Endings and Frontiers

So, my plans for a big post with all the final pieces of my work form last semester kind of fell through.  At least, in a timely way.   It may be kind of late, but here's my final ZBrush project: (Admittedly I've been pretty busy celebrating Christmas with my relatives.)

And here is a time-lapse of me working on it:

Also, breaking up with my girlfriend on New Year's day kind of really sucked too.  It's hard to believe that it's only been three days already.  I've been such a roller-coaster of emotions... I'm just starting to go numb.  But my heart still jumps into my throat every time the phone rings, or I that I got an email.  Then it falls rather quickly down into the vicinity of my toes.  If I was ever to write a song about it, this would be one of the lines: "I can't kill time fast enough to get away from you." However, even though it sucks, I've been handling it a lot better than I thought I would.  Excepting for lots of sighs and relatively short spats of depression, I've actually been able to live a rather normal life.  Actually, it's felt good because for some reason the grief makes self-control really easy.  Most of my usual struggles have all but disappeared. I'm trying really hard to just get over it and move on as fast as possible.  I don't want to be depressed and lonely; it doesn't do me or my family any favors.  I've been spending rather massive amounts of time in prayer, trying to get as close to God as I can, and in turn, heal as quickly as possible (to say nothing of keeping up my spirits.)  To be completely honest, I almost wish the pain wouldn't go away so that I could stay this close to God all the time.  However, it's still really hard to just trust him to rule my life.  I was so sure that she was the girl for me that I never seriously considered what would happen if we broke up. It's almost funny, looking back.  There are so, so, so many red flags.  Heck, the "song that I inspired her to write was entitled "Nothing New."  I don't know what I was thinking to ask her out, honestly.  I guess simply that I'd follow God wherever he led me.  He did lead me to her, I have no doubt of that.  I don't regret the relationship, really.  It just hurt a ton and took so much of me.  I spent nearly 1/10 of my life trying to to win her heart.

Well, aren't I remissy today?

When I'm not feeling down, I'm pretty excited.  I can't wait for who or what God has in store for me out there.  I know he knows what he's doing, and I trust him.  I just have to learn to accept that I can't know the future, that this relationship wasn't a waste, and that God does in fact have a very, very, very specific plan for me.

I feel like I'm a frontier again.

As I said on Facebook the other day.  "This year can only get better."  I'm looking forward to it.